Today is my first full day back home after spending this last weekend at my other home with Nigel and a couple of days at a conference for work. The time back in St. Louis was nice. Nigel was very sweet and so attentive. As difficult as our discourse was a few weeks ago, I am really glad that time of brutal honesty happened. I think it really woke the both of us up to where we had allowed the relationship to drift and that some definite corrective action was required. So the first thing we've committed to doing is really sharing how we're feeling and not holding back. It's a start.
As nice a time as I had with Nigel, I can't exactly say that it was great being back in the area or even really in the house. There was such a sadness that seemed to pervade particularly our home that I kept speculating on what was the cause. I mean it was palpable and I wondered if it was a reflection of the many difficult days and nights that I had spent in those rooms, questioning if I would ever be happy in all the facets of my life. Does a house absorb emotion into the walls like a dry sponge takes in water? And so, as much as I wished I could remain with Nigel, I can't say that I was sorry to leave St. Louis.
So maybe Thomas Wolfe was right but the stranger thing is with this latest relocation I'm beginning to wonder where exactly home is. Still, drawing from another old saying, if home is where the heart is then maybe for me home is actually now a person rather than a particular place and if that is indeed the case then for the first time since I've moved I can say that I do miss home.
As nice a time as I had with Nigel, I can't exactly say that it was great being back in the area or even really in the house. There was such a sadness that seemed to pervade particularly our home that I kept speculating on what was the cause. I mean it was palpable and I wondered if it was a reflection of the many difficult days and nights that I had spent in those rooms, questioning if I would ever be happy in all the facets of my life. Does a house absorb emotion into the walls like a dry sponge takes in water? And so, as much as I wished I could remain with Nigel, I can't say that I was sorry to leave St. Louis.
So maybe Thomas Wolfe was right but the stranger thing is with this latest relocation I'm beginning to wonder where exactly home is. Still, drawing from another old saying, if home is where the heart is then maybe for me home is actually now a person rather than a particular place and if that is indeed the case then for the first time since I've moved I can say that I do miss home.
