dreaming?

i didn't have any dreams last night. actually, i'm told that we always dream at night, but we don't always remember what we've dreamed upon waking. right now i'm beginning to wonder, if that is the case, what it means if the only dreaming about my life i seem to be doing these days is when i'm asleep.

dreaming

i had a dream about michael last night. we were in love, and we were happy. then, in the dream, i remembered the truth and started crying. apparently, even in dreams, dreams don't come true.

well-timed words

it is amazing how the right words at the right time can help to lift even the heaviest of hearts. thank you to my friend robin for those well-timed words.

numb

i can't feel my heart anymore. i just can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

sleepwalking

ever feel like you're just kind of stumbling through life -- just aimlessly putting one foot in front of the other with little intention or purpose? ever wish you could wake up from your own daily existence? just wondering.

mother's day

i sometimes find myself pondering why so much of my life seems to fall outside of the american ideal. in other words, the facets of my life will likely never find their way into a hallmark commercial. so today on one of the biggest hallmark holidays there is, i find myself back in that place of pondering again. 

as i type this, my mother is on a cruise bound for europe -- a wonderful trip that i am happy she is able to make in her retirement. i love my mother. with her being a single parent, we had a close relationship as i was growing up. still, it's hard to keep feeling close when a parent doesn't except who you are at the fundamental core of your being. it's even harder when that person tells you that she would rather you be alone for the rest of your life than be with another man. it's particularly hard when you now fear you are in jeopardy of that very thing happening.

happy mother's day all.