where is that piece?

you know how when you're doing a puzzle, and it's one of those where you don't know what the picture is of, i.e., no picture on the box. you've got just these random shapes scattered across a table. you start to sort through the pieces attempting to find shapes that fit together. eventually you do, but they're still just shapes with colors. you still have no idea of what you're creating, and so the pieces just sit in the middle of the table waiting for their correct placement in the overall picture.

then you find that one piece that gives you a sense of at least what a part of the puzzle is all about. you look for other pieces that build out the image further. the more matching pieces you find the more you see what you're building. soon the pieces you built at the start find their natural home in the overall scheme of the larger picture, and before long all the pieces are assembled. they all fit together. they all have a place, and now it all makes sense.

"oh, it's a church in a field," you say, or it might be a skyscraper in a city. maybe it's a pure white sandy beach resting at the edge of a crystal blue ocean. it may be a hiker standing at the top of a mountain or children playing in a playground. it might even be a picture of a favorite moment that you shared with someone else, who in turn converted it into a puzzle for you to enjoy assembling and remembering the time you had together when you were done.

whatever the picture, once you found that one piece, the work of creating it gave you a sense of purpose, and once done, gazing upon it filled you with a sense of accomplishment. there is something to be said for having these experiences in life.

most of my life has felt very much like the first paragraph. the work, the relationships, the experiences, the joys, the hurts all seem like those random puzzle pieces that don't really fit in a larger picture that is clear or makes sense.

there have been times when i've thought i had found that one piece that told me what the larger picture of my life is all about. it might have come in the form of a particular job or friendship or religious experience, but before long it's clear that while there is likely some connection to the picture of my life, my place, my purpose and my direction in this thing we call living continues to elude me.

i look around me, and it seems that so many people have their pictures strongly etched in their minds. their lives seem to be more about spending their time on this planet putting all their puzzle pieces into place. i'm also aware that disruptive events (some minor, some major) can happen that can either cause some pieces to be shifted or sweep their puzzle off the table completely, placing it back in the heap of random shapes that were there when they first came out of the box. eventually though, they will find that one clarifying piece again and start building their lives anew.

i am in another place where whatever pieces i've had put together have been swept off the table. each time this has happened, it has become harder to feel encouraged to start building again. i keep hoping to find that one piece of the puzzle. there are times i wonder if when my box was assembled, someone forgot to place that one piece inside.

so here's a repeat song. it popped into my head as i was finishing this entry, so i figure it must be worth sharing again. this is a performance of the song done shortly after he had written it (you'll see he shares that it doesn't even have a title yet at that time).

long and far away - james taylor