the difference a year makes

well, it's that time of year again -- time for the fashion doll collector's convention that i have attended for the last five years. i've just finished unpacking and i'm waiting for room service to arrive  with my lunch. i just looked at the past couple of years' entries in this blog that commented on the start of this event. after reading them, all i can think is, "my, oh my, how times have changed."

in each year's entry, the person who wrote those blogs is brimming over with excitement and anticipation about the events that are about to come. at least at this writing, that person didn't make the trip to convention this year. instead, i find myself feeling quite weary and depressed and wondering if it would be possible to go through much of this experience without actually having to engage with anyone else.

it's a shame really. i have friends that i get to see at this event each year whose company i truly enjoy. i guess i'm feeling that in the state i'm in, i can't possibly be the person that they are used to seeing and having a fun time with. i feel so broken and empty that i'm literally questioning how i will make it through this event. having a good time is not even on the radar screen.

i am thinking about the fact that last year's event was one of the last moments of pure, unadulterated fun that i can remember having over the past year. what a sad, sad year this has been. and the vision of better days ahead still remains beyond my sightline.

old pictures

i stumbled on some pictures on my phone earlier today. they were from christmas two years ago. i spent that holiday with my ex. it's strange to see pictures that you realize that, since it is your phone, you must have taken part in the particular event, but you have no distinct memory of what transpired.

this year as last, i will be here alone for the holidays. there will be no pictures of activities for me to forget that i participated. is that a good thing?

stuck

here's a nice song. great sentiments. i just keep wondering what it means when you can't seem to get past the first thing.

3 things - jason mraz

2014: worst year of my life?

well, we've still got a little over two months to go, but so far, it's got a pretty commanding lead.