one final song for a love almost long gone

this is a song that when i first heard it i immediately thought of the last days of my relationship with michael. it certainly reflects how i was feeling during those trying times.

it's a difficult thing to end a love that is so deeply rooted in one's heart. ripping it out and casting it aside leaves a hole of unmeasurable proportions. the loneliness and emptiness one experiences seems like a cruel exchange for an act that you believed (and still do believe) was the exact right thing to do.  it is crueler still when the person you left so quickly fills that void with a fresh and new love and the hole in your heart has just grown wider and deeper over the almost two years since the wound was first made.

i have spent a very lonely and quiet day with a hunger for comfort and assurance. both have eluded me this day as they have on so many days and weeks and months prior to this. i had a moment today when i stared into the darkness that is my life and i realized there is nothing in my life that can provide these things. there is no love for me in this world, not now and i fear not ever.

believe it or not - james taylor

feel like going back

the amazing thing about james taylor's songwriting is no matter how specific a song may be to his own experience, often you can feel as if the song were written just for you about your own life. in the case of this song, the notion of wanting to believe that you can be the man that you once were in the best sense is certainly an emotion i've been feeling of late. sadly, i haven't been very successful in sustaining a belief that is possible.

another interesting alignment between this song and my own life is the setting. i've recently been having recurring dreams about the time i spent in england in the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college. each time i awake from those dreams i know that that dream reflects my mind retreating to a time in which i was happy and filled with hope and a love for life with a belief in all of its infinite possibilities. in short, a time that was very, very different from now. a time and a perspective that i've come to feel will never come again.

london town - james taylor

maybe i should consider a name change

so it's looking like it's going to be an all james taylor weekend. thanks to siriusxm's month long "james taylor channel," i've been introduced to quite a bit more of the james taylor back catalog. through it i've made some great new discoveries (so thank you siriusxm and itunes should thank you as well given the large amount of music i've downloaded as a result).

today's song is one i heard for the first time a couple weeks back. while i am sure the readers of this blog are very astute and discerning, for this particular song, i thought it would be helpful to provide some explanation of why i've posted it via its entry on wikipedia:

Taylor wrote "Sunny Skies" during his treatment at the Austen Riggs Center. The melody is cheerful, which is ironic given the lyrics. Taylor biographer Timothy White describes the melody as "a deceptively upbeat, skiffle-flavored shuffle."

The title "Sunny Skies" actually does not refer to the condition of the sky, but to the title character of the song. The title character of the song "sleeps in the morning," "weeps in the evening," "doesn't know when to rise" and has no friends. The last verse of the song links the title character to the singer, who sings that he looks out his own window to see snow and trees, and wonders if he should let the world pass him by, just like the title character. The singer, just like Taylor himself at the time, wonders if his accomplishments were worth the suffering he went through to achieve them. Perrone also notes that, like the title character, Taylor had gone through a period where he was too depressed to get up in the morning.

taylor is not alone in this experience.

sunny skies - james taylor

how can a lonely heart ever really know

this song selection is about a little more than nostalgia. it's about uncertainty in the face of a confused mind and a shattered, lonely heart. it's about wanting to believe that friendship exists but not being entirely sure why you should. it's about feeling foolish about so many things. it's about missing someone very much. it's about wondering what it will take for the hurt to go away.

what a fool believes - kenny loggins and michael mcdonald

he came from somewhere back in her long ago
the sentimental fool don't see
trying hard to recreate
what had yet to be created once in her life

she musters a smile
for his nostalgic tale
never coming near what he wanted to say
only to realize
it never really was

[chorus]
she had a place in his life
he never made her think twice
as he rises to her apology
anybody else would surely know
he's watching her go

but what a fool believes he sees
no wise man has the power to reason away
what seems to be
is always better than nothing
and nothing at all keeps sending him

somewhere back in her long ago
where he can still believe there's a place in her life
someday, somewhere, she will return

[chorus]

but what a fool believes he sees
no wise man has the power to reason away
what seems to be
is always better than nothing
there's nothing at all
but what a fool believes he sees

still riding the nostalgia bus

just wish, as much as i like these songs, that we'd stop picking up "relationship-y, finding true love" oriented music, particularly when i keep thinking that maybe sylvia plath had it right. i mean i do have a gas oven.

biggest part of me - ambrosia

another one of those songs from the past

this one's for you - barry manilow

a hand hold

heard this song this morning and wondered if i should post it. the lyrics of struggle at the outset of the song certainly describe the place i've been in emotionally for quite some time. it's the message of encouragement that i'm struggling with at the moment.

then the image of rock climbing came to mind.

even if it doesn't feel as if i can make it up this mountain, let this song serve as a hand hold to keep me hanging on, no matter how precariously. if you're in the same place, i hope it does at least the same for you.

wait a little while - kenny loggins

here's a sweet september morning, there's the sense of autumn on the rise
he steps into the wind and sadly sighs
why does it always seem to be, there's a cold december wind in front of me?"
the more he fills his empty evenings
he less he feels that there's a chance to find
something that can bring a peace of mind
is there a place where you can go?
a little something you should know to turn the tide to your favor?
 
chorus:
wait a little while to welcome what you're after
give it the time to find its way to you
and soon as you no longer try, you'll turn and find it standing by your side
come and get it, when you let it, it'll come to you

 (instrumental break)

chorus (with 'staring in your eyes')

when I run short on inspiration, i best recall what I've known all along
and I remember sweet september's song, there never really has to be
a cold and bitter wind in front of me anymore
 
chorus (with 'staring in your eyes')

 just forget it and wait a little while, while, while
 wait a little while, everything will come to you in time
 wait a little while - everything will come to you in time
 wait a little while - every little thing's gonna come to you in time
 wait a little while - everything will come to you in time
 wait a little while - everything will come to you in time
 wait a little while

a world i've never known

i listened to this song over and over last night. and as i did my heart broke open and the pain flooded through my eyes and all my mind kept repeating was, "why is this not my life?"

the unimaginable life - kenny loggins