if you provide one, i'd be happy to

this week the blues of the latter part of my recently completed vacation continued. pretty much every night i've had some level of sadness about being alone. i think the sadness comes not even as much from my current state but from the fact that i have no idea what to do about it.

i came to a realization a few days ago that all of my friends during my adult life have either come from people i met in church or people that i met through people that i was friends with from church. so basically, i've never had to learn how to go out and find friends. they just presented themselves because we were in the same venue (similar to how in my early years, as with most people, all my friends came from school). now given the fact act this self-described "evangelical in recovery/lapsed catholic" is not likely to find himself in church anytime soon, i found myself thinking, "boy am i screwed"when it comes to the idea of meeting that "kindred spirit with benefits."

i've been told that maybe trying a dating site would work. maybe, but given that i'm not sure that i'm looking for mr. right as i suspect everyone on those sites really is (something i've commented on previously in this blog), it doesn't seem like the right solution. plus, i don't know if i'm in an emotional space to really pursue a relationship. i think i am open to being "pursued," if you will. actually, i'm even fine with someone making the first step towards me, and then we can meet each other halfway. i just know i can't keep feeling like i'm chasing after someone any longer.

so that's been my struggle this week. last night i decided to order a pizza and some cokes to drown my sorrows. i drank one last night and put the other in the fridge to have today with the leftover pizza. this morning, when i came downstairs and opened the refrigerator to get some milk, there was the coke label staring at me.

you know how coke now has these labels that have "share a coke with" and there will be different statements like "your brother" or "someone nice." well, this label said, "share a coke with your soulmate."

i closed the fridge and thought, "what are the odds of my getting that specific label?" i wish the honor had gone to someone else for whom it might have been more applicable because, for my part, i don't think i needed that particular reminder of my deepest longing and greatest pain.