it's about always moving forward

there is a statement that is made in the film the september issue, rj cutler's wonderful documentary about the making of the 2007 september issue of vogue magazine, that i think of often. it is made by grace coddington, at the time vogue's immensely talented creative director, as she's traveling in a car through the streets of paris. in a reflection on the nature of fashion she states something to the effect that "fashion is about always moving forward." it is a perspective that is echoed by grace's boss, the inimitable editor in chief anna wintour later in the film.

the reason i think about this sentiment so much is I believe it actually speaks to what is essentially the essence of life. our orientation must always be about moving forward and not trying to stay in or retain what is past.

this truism came to mind this morning as i thought about an online chat i had with a friend last night, the same friend who was in fact the subject of the latter half of yesterday's blog entry.

it's funny that as i was finishing that entry, up popped his greeting as a response to a ping i had sent out earlier. i won't go into the specific content of the conversation here. what i will share is that by the end of it, i said i felt better about things between us and he shared that he did as well.

so this morning i woke up and thought about how i was ready to move forward with whatever form the relationship might take from here. that's when ms. coddington's perspective on fashion came to the forefront of my mind. in that moment it became crystal clear that all this time i had been trying to get us to move back to the past dynamic of our relationship rather than being open to what the future state might be.

it's not an unusual reaction to have when change takes place. you've had something good that you've enjoyed and you want that to last as long as it can. so when the changes of life come along and disturb that cherished dynamic, you fight like hell to preserve it, and, well, that never works. in fact, it can ruin what you do have.

in all honesty, i've known this to be true for some time, but the acknowledgement was a begrudging one. i guess the image would be one of my being dragged into the future. now, i see myself walking into it willingly.

as i shared with my friend last night, it is rare in this life when you find someone who you feel like gets you and vice-versa. those are the relationships i think we should do our best to hold onto, but we also have to be willing to let how they work change, adapting to new life circumstances.

after all, life really is about always moving forward and recognizing by doing so maybe, just maybe even better times lay ahead.

something new, something old

one of the strange things about life is how the simplest of gestures can set off a cascade of events that lead to a monumental change. you get a message from a search firm recruiter about a job more than halfway across the country. you agree to a chat. that chat leads to a series of interviews. next thing you know you have a job offer that you accept, and you find yourself preparing for a move to a new place and a new phase of your life. at least that's been my experience over the past couple of months.

and then there is another gesture. you send a text message to a friend saying you want to talk later about this new opportunity -- an opportunity that will lead to your moving to the same city in which he resides. with this comes the hope that your increasingly distant relationship will have a chance to reverse course. your friend says he will try to talk with you that evening, but it doesn't happen. you send a few texts, but there's no response. you wait for days with no word about when if ever you will connect. then you see he's online and you reach out again and then there's a connection.

there is an apology for why you didn't connect that evening days before. he shares with you that he has gotten a job in another city and will be moving there likely before you even make your move. you congratulate him on his success, but there is no reciprocal response to your news. a conversation, the longest you two have had in a long time ensues. you share this seems to be a sign that perhaps this is "the end of our run." he protests and says it's not the end. you rebut and in your heart you know that all you hoped for this particular relationship will never come to pass. you go to bed weepy and have had moments ever since when he comes to mind. this too has been my experience.

and so here i sit, writing once again in this blog about things to come and things that have been. i am on the cusp of entering what i hope will be an exciting and fulfilling new chapter in my life, yet i know i will be carrying some of the pain of this chapter forward with me as well. things may be new but some things never change.