tonight's song echoes the sentiments of this morning's. another song about finding one's way home for the holidays that is just as affecting as the one posted earlier.
admittedly, these type of songs are somewhat difficult for me. they bring to mind a reality that i've seemed to lost.
i can remember listening to i'll be home for christmas as i studied for midterms in my dorm room in college, and even though i went to school only about 10 miles from home, i still yearned for the comfort of home at christmas. in like manner, as i made my way farther from home, i would hear this song, and it made me impatient to get back to where i was from.
this sense of home pretty much came to a halt when i came out as gay to my mother (who really is all there is to my immediate family) right after thanksgiving in 1999. she did not take it well then and still will not accept it as part of who i am.
i did not return "home" for the holidays for several years after that, and actually have not been to see my mother for christmas very much at all over the past decade and a half. to be honest, i feel that i've lost my home.
my mother actually no longer lives in the house in which i spent a good portion of my growing up years; however it's not the change in physical location that makes me feel that i have no home. if the connotation of that word is a place where you are loved, welcomed, and accepted for who you are, then indeed, home has been lost to me.
i keep hoping i will find another someday, and then songs like those shared today will have a place in my heart again.
home on christmas day - kristin chenoweth from a lovely way to spend christmas
No comments:
Post a Comment