revealed

i am a broken person. each time i experience these difficult periods in life, i see how deep that brokenness goes, and because i've had quite a few of such periods, particularly in the last several years, i can also see that the rate of further damage to my psyche is outpacing the attempts made to repair it.

every day i wonder how long i will be able to continue in a life that is filled with this level of emotional pain, and beyond that, i question that even if i'm able to emerge from this particular life challenge, will the change just be another brief reprieve until an even more hurtful period begins, breaking me down even further.

i do not feel capable enough to live through what feels like a life that does not make sense and certainly is not what i hoped it would be. at this point, it does not feel as if i ever will.

a tear-filled silence

every day i carry this sadness. some days it hovers around me like a mist barely perceptible but very much there, such that emotions like happiness or joy are always muted, partially obscured by a thin veil. on other days, it is heavy and impedes my every thought and emotion, crushing any sense of hope or peace or optimism. sometimes, like now, it is so oppressive that it feels as if it's suffocating me - my lungs seem to take in only a quarter of the oxygen i require and my heart feels as if it's about to burst from the strain of merely existing from one moment to the next.

i have been like this for so many years they seem too numerous to account for, and the question that  continues to come to mind over and over - is this all life has for me, and if so, why?  no answers ever come. just more pain and a silence that i fill with tears.

when disappointments take residence

love Is the answer

for me, for you, for all of us

a voice i want to live in

a bit of randomness (and i really miss nyc)

A