a good read

 

i love reading a good memoir. i guess that shouldn't be too surprising as the concept of writing about one's life and the observations made therein is pretty much the raison d'être for this blog. if you're like me in this  interest then i highly recommend picking up this book by lukas gage, which i found to be a deeply engaging first look into this talented actor's life. i write "first" because i am counting on his following up this book in the years to come with more insights and anecdotes over the course of what i have no doubt will be a very eventful life (and even if it's not, i'd just appreciate a periodic check-in to see how he's doing).

so yes lukas, you got my attention; and you're welcome.

 

a prayer for this time

may the love of god drive out all fears

may the love of god fill me with peace

may the mercy of god drive out all regrets

may the mercy of god fill me with gratitude

may the grace of god drive out all doubts

may the grace of god fill me with hope

and this is where I am

that's a long time....

was eating dinner this evening. a conversation turned to my making a comment about something happening in 2018 at a time when i had moved back to a place i'd lived before. in that moment it occurred to me that that was the last time i'd been truly happy. that's a long time between smiles.

marin mazzie - back to before (ragtime) July 4, 1998

ii was reminded of this performance tonight and wanted to share it here as a tribute to a phenomenal talent who left us way too soon.

what i regret most

a few months ago i wrote an entry in which i referred to a past friendship with parenthetical commentary that there was more to be reflected on about that relationship and that "perhaps" I might do so someday. consider this entry a fulfillment of that "perhaps" (at least partially). this entry, as alluded to by the title, is a brief reflection on one of the statements i made in that previous entry, which was, simply put, that i regret that the dysfunctional dynamics of the relationship did not allow for that person to experience me at my best. 

it is what i regret most as i believe that at my best i can be a pretty great person to know. and at his best i think the same may be able to be said about him. it is indeed regretful that two "great people to know" didn't get to have that great experience with one another. 

i recognize that i am not solely at fault for what went wrong with the friendship as he provided ample fuel to my insecurities by his own duplicities. even so, i am still ultimately accountable for how i reacted and for whatever pain, anxiety, or stress that i may have caused him as a result, i am truly sorry. 

i hope that somehow, someday, by some means, he is able to know that.

the subtext

if a james taylor song is the main theme of this blog, i think it makes sense that given the content of this song and my regard for this particular artist, that this song would most accurately reflect the subtext that has emerged over the years.