love again?

i've mentioned before that i've recently been pondering returning to the house i shared with my ex to pick up some personal items. i've also mentioned that thinking about doing so has caused me to reminisce about that relationship and that reflection has engendered emotions of missing him and the good parts of the relationship we shared for almost a decade.

i would be dishonest if i didn't admit that missing being with him has made me question whether or not the relationship ending is a good thing. and yes i've even wondered if there were some slim chance that we could actually make things work. ponderings yes. thoughts to follow through on, no.

as much as my heart yearns for the familiarity of that relationship, experience has shown me that the melding of our lives is not meant to be. we may be ok individuals apart, but we are not better people together. well, speaking for my own part, i know i am not the better for the relationship and that sadly the pain resulting has been greater than the pleasure. 

but it's hard to recognize that this reality is the case with someone that you sincerely love and care about. still, the question that i know needs to be answered is not what does it mean that i still love him, but rather, is it possible for me to feel the same way about someone else? even more so (and perhaps this is where the doubt creeps in), will someone feel the same way about me again?

love is such a mysterious force. it is perhaps the greatest evidence for me of the presence of the divine as it can appear seemingly out of nowhere and can transform one's life in ways that are astonishing and breathtaking. it seems almost greedy to hope that that kind of experience will happen again in one's lifetime. but hope i do.