reviewing, reaffirming, and readjusting

i was telling a friend, who is new to my blog audience, that a recent review of my blog made me keenly aware of the somewhat melancholy nature of this particular space on the internet. i believe i've shared before that my motivation for writing here comes more often when i am struggling and need a space to ponder and reflect. i guess i wasn't aware of how much "more often" means until i saw the cumulative effect of entry after entry.

one encouraging sign is that, with each remembrance of difficult situations past, i had a recognition that i was able to weather that storm and come through on the other side. and so it will be with this time. and yet, i also know that i am seeing things about myself that are changing -- mindsets and perspectives about life that are readjusting and driving me to a new way of experiencing and living life.

my brief blog entry earlier in the week entitled "maybe..." hinted at this shifting that's taking place inside of me. to be honest, i'm not clear on the meaning of everything that was revealed in that blog, but i do know that it's brevity belies the profundity contained within it. it actually even frightens me a little because it seems to be challenging me to take a course that i would not have suspected that i would be (or that i was even capable of) taking.

this makes me think of another time of significant struggle and what i learned from the therapist i was seeing at that time. he explained that every so often the mental map we've been using to guide our life's journey doesn't work for us anymore and can't guide us through the terrain that lies ahead. as a result we have to be willing to tear up the old map and make a new one.

i have returned to that image a few times in my life and may have even shared it on this blog. in any event, it looks like it's that time again for me to draw a new map. my one concern is i'm not sure everyone will be happy with the picture that's drawn.