i was just sitting here at my desk wondering why i feel like i'm becoming increasingly insular in my life - why i seem to be reaching out and making contact with people less and less. this is one of those times where the answer came to me pretty quickly. i realized that somewhere along the way, likely in part due to the various conversations that i've had with certain folks about the challenge of dealing with me in my depression, i've come to believe that while i'm in this state of being, people just would prefer not to deal with me. in essence when it comes to interactions with me unless i'm in a positive and optimistic frame of mind, it would be best for me to remain out of sight and out of mind.
that's not to say that when people contact me, i do not or would not respond. i do and would. in fact, i suppose, i see someone reaching out to me as a sign that the particular individual wants to engage with me no matter my emotional condition and so it's "safe" to respond with how i'm doing and feeling.
i should make it clear that i am not saying that my perceptions are correct. i'm just stating what seems to be the prevailing perspective that is resulting in a certain action (or i guess more accurately "inaction") on my part. the sad thing is i have no idea how to change this state of mind or even if i should. i mean, while i'm not saying that the perspectives are correct, i'm not necessarily stating that they are wrong either.
No comments:
Post a Comment