So the last few weeks have been tough ones for me and so many people I know. It seems like there has been an extraordinary amount of passings -- a friend's mother, another friend's father, a colleague's sister-in-law. The title of this blog though is not meant to evoke a gloom and doom perspective however. I am not asking "what's next?" as in "what else terrible can happen" or "what else can go wrong." I truly am asking the open-ended question "what's next" for my life.
I think with Nicholas's death, it feels that my life as it was for the past seven years is really over, and I find myself ill-prepared for knowing exactly what to do next. It's amazing how the loss of a simple routine (wake up -- shower -- get dressed -- walk the dog -- feed the dog -- go to work -- work -- come home from work -- change clothes -- walk the dog -- feed the dog -- visit with the dog/watch TV/read/listen to music -- go to bed -- repeat) can cause a complete disorientation in terms of what to do and how to be in daily life. There is this sense of disruption in which my life as it is now is not connected to what has come before it. Maybe Nicholas was a tether to that old life and his passing has snapped the cord.
Still, if I've learned one thing in life, these "moments of disruption" pass. New patterns of doing and new ways of being emerge slowly but surely and if we're lucky and open we emerge with a little more understanding of what life is all about. So back to my question, "what's next?"
I think with Nicholas's death, it feels that my life as it was for the past seven years is really over, and I find myself ill-prepared for knowing exactly what to do next. It's amazing how the loss of a simple routine (wake up -- shower -- get dressed -- walk the dog -- feed the dog -- go to work -- work -- come home from work -- change clothes -- walk the dog -- feed the dog -- visit with the dog/watch TV/read/listen to music -- go to bed -- repeat) can cause a complete disorientation in terms of what to do and how to be in daily life. There is this sense of disruption in which my life as it is now is not connected to what has come before it. Maybe Nicholas was a tether to that old life and his passing has snapped the cord.
Still, if I've learned one thing in life, these "moments of disruption" pass. New patterns of doing and new ways of being emerge slowly but surely and if we're lucky and open we emerge with a little more understanding of what life is all about. So back to my question, "what's next?"
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