what's next

So, looking at the date of my last entry, it has been quite a bit of time since my last entry. Well, while this space has been empty, life has definitely been moving forward. The biggest news is that Michael (formerly known as "Nigel" -- as mentioned in a previous entry, I'm dropping everyone's pseudonyms, except my own of course) and I have gone through a reconciliation process and are now officially back together. You know enough changes have taken place when you're not exactly sure why you broke up in the first place. Still, one big challenge remains -- distance.

Most days, I think I deal with it better than Michael does. Then I have a day where I question why exactly I'm 800 plus miles away from the man I love. Though I have to admit that, while I may not be in touch with why our relationship ended, I am crystal clear about why I left the Midwest to take up residence here in the East and continue to be grateful for the opportunity that allowed it to happen. In actuality, my dream is not for me to go back but for him to come here.

So why doesn't that happen? Well, it's complicated. Part to do with him (tenure) and part to do with me. For my part the reality is that I'm not sure how much longer I will be here. For a variety of reasons, my boss has indicated that, though she's staying here for the foreseeable future, she's not necessarily planning on staying here forever. Furthermore, the timing of her departure is linked to the timing (due to impending but not as yet announced retirement) of her boss. The good news though is she's indicated that when she leaves, she'd like me to go with her. The tricky part though is that means that setting down roots here can't be part of my plans. Well, at least they can't be so deep that uprooting would cause damage. Hence, I can't ask my partner to give up his tenured faculty position to follow me here just to tell him 2-3 years later, it's time to move on. Though I feel like it resembles it at times, my life is not actually a traveling circus.

So there we have it. Love is back in my life and while it's not so easily accessed, I sure am grateful for the gift.