lately, i've been pondering what type of guy i would be interested in should the opportunity arise to pursue a relationship. one element that has come to mind is the age range that i should realistically be working within. i've certainly seen younger guys to whom i'm attracted, but whenever i have, i've had the immediate thought, "oh i'm too old for him." at least that was the way i reacted until a recent moment.
i was having that typical conversation you have with your buddies when you're out and you're watching cute guys go by. you know, "what about that one?", "how about that guy?" and "take a look at him!" well to one particularly attractive twentysomething the question came to me of my particular interest, and at the moment that my normal response was about to flow, i found myself, changing my statement in mid-thought and saying instead, "he's too young for me."
it was and continues to be a fascinating change of perspective. it may seem to be a matter of semantics, but i look at the difference this way. with the first statement, i was looking at the scenario from the other guy's perspective of my being the undesirable one, i.e., too old. in the new phrasing, it's me who is making the determination of suitability and finding that my preference is for someone who is more mature. i'm no longer denigrating myself or my value to a relationship. it may seem like a small thing, but for me and the development of my own self-esteem, it's a pretty huge shift.
now i do recognize that i'm using age as a proxy for maturity, which is certainly not always an accurate measure, but in assessing potentials, i think we often have to deal in probabilities. still i wouldn't reject a mature younger guy (especially considering my ex, who is almost exactly my age, was the classic example of arrested development), but the reality is that finding such a guy is likely going to be a rare occurrence. besides, i'm not exactly sure i want to be dating someone whose parents are on the same high school reunion celebration schedule that i am.
2 comments:
I'm going to have to try using the "s/he's too young for you" construction with my uncle who keeps trying to date women younger than I am. He strongly believes that the age of one's girlfriend is a status indicator.
> i'm using age as a proxy for maturity
There's more to age than maturity.
I also note that you're (both here and elsewhere) always talking about age differentials in reference to *younger* men, never *older* ones.
nothing gets past you my friend. the reason i don't discuss age differentials in terms of older men is because i don't think it's a problem to date older men. if an older man that i was attracted to took the same interest in me, well then who am i to argue?
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