labels

i've been spending quite a bit of time in an online chat community that has a diverse group of people dropping in and out. invariably, as people develop interest in particular individuals, the question comes up about sexual orientation. usually this inquiry comes in the form of the very direct, "so are you gay, straight, bi, bicurious?" now almost invariably this question will be met with outcries from one or more participants about "what does it matter?" and "why do we have to label people?" sometimes the individuals being queried themselves will declare that they "don't like labels."

i've tended to have a bemused reaction to these protestations as the reality is that when it comes to so many other areas of our lives, we don't seem to have a problem with labels. i'm not referring to designer brands (though that certainly could be one example), but actually to the notion of people applying descriptors to categorize who we are. In fact, let's just do a little experiment right now. I'm going to list a few labels, and you check off all of the ones that you would be offended by if someone used them to describe you:

"intelligent"

"kind"

"attractive"

"friend"

"sexy"

"rich"

"generous"

"trustworthy"

"compassionate"

"hot"

"talented"

and i think you get the idea. we have no problems with labels that we recognize are desirable by other people. it only seems that when it comes to labeling our sexuality then people begin to raise objections. it's not so much that we are concerned that people will put us in a box with their labels (as some claim) -- it's just that we're not sure whether that box will be marked "trash" or "tiffany." 

the thing we need to realize though about labels is that the value associated with the object that is labeled more often than not comes from the nature of the object itself. therefore, even if people may have a negative and/or narrow view of what it is to be gay, we who are such, have the power to affect that perception by how we live our lives before them. in fact, by dodging the question, what we are really doing is reinforcing the perception that there is something wrong with being gay (or whatever your sexual orientation may be -- though what's equally fascinating is that people who are indeed straight never seem to have an issue with declaring that they are).

for my part i just think about all of the people who have given their lives (both figuratively and literally) so that i can have the ability to be able to declare that i am gay, without fear of prosecution or complete social isolation. to deny that i am mocks their work and their memory. plus i myself have come too far in my life's journey of embracing this aspect of who i am to reject it, putting what other people's perceptions may be of who i am before my own sense of self. as the saying goes, life is just too short for that kind of behavior.