woke up this morning, checked my bank account and realized i've done it again. i've been spending way too much money in an effort to compensate for my depression. now, naturally, this is not how this pattern works it's way through my mind in any purposeful fashion. instead the situation unfolds more in the following way: i buy one little thing and i feel good. i buy another bigger thing and i feel even better. and then, like a stack of dominoes, i find myself in a spending spree that ends with me ultimately back in the same mood i started in and deeper in the financial hole with a bunch of stuff piled up around me.
having been partnered with an addict, you would think i would know better than to take a chance in indulging my own addictive tendencies. while it certainly has always given me empathy concerning my ex's condition, i recognize that my own foibles don't excuse his. plus, given that many of these same spending cycles in the past were triggered by my reactions to events stemming from his problems, situations like the current one just reinforce in my mind that we're not a good combination, and i have to take care of me before i can be of any help to anyone else.
so it's back to a plan of austere living as i clean up the results of the latest financial debacle. hopefully, this time (with the help of the more public acknowledgement of my problem via this blog) the realization that spending when i am in a depressive state is always a dynamic in which i need to proceed with caution (if at all in many cases) will sink even deeper into my psyche and will lead to more appropriate and positive outcomes in the future because unless i'm mistaken, barrels are not making a comeback as the fashion ensemble of choice.
3 comments:
You and I were just talking about this subject with regards to someone else a couple weeks ago. You didn't mention then that you had the same problem.
I have an aunt who refers to such shopping as "retail therapy".
Interesting that you posted on this subject following your trip to Tonner.
well this is true. the trip to tonner was actually the first domino. that trip was actually done within budget. unfortunately, the genie was also let out of the bottle as the saying goes and well the rest is history and the damage is done. nothing life threatening but i certainly could have done better. hopefully, knowing that i have more people to hold me accountable will help.
Tonner was the first domino? I was assuming it was the last domino. You must have busy.
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