Tuesday, December 27, 2011

my heart's desire

over the past few days, i've had a couple of experiences that have reminded me of a need that resides deep in my heart. there are times that i become fully aware of it and there are times when it remains in my subconscious, but never, ever is it not at work in some form or fashion. i know the need is not unique to me, and i suspect that it is a primal need that exists in all of us. i always define this need as the need "to know and to be fully known." it is this great desire to understand people fully and to be understood fully. i have yet to experience either and recognize that this lack is part of the human condition.

to that last point, i'm reminded of one of the greatest pieces of wisdom that i've ever received. it came in a lunch time conversation with a priest friend back in st. louis. it's funny; i don't remember the particular situation i was discussing with him save that it had to do with my having a difficult time figuring out what was happening in some relationship i was involved in at the time. though i can't remember what i was discussing, his response remains with me to this day. The reason, my priest friend shared, that i was having difficulty with understanding the individual under discussion is that we are all made in the image of god and, on this side of heaven at least, god is mystery to us -- a being/force that we can't fully know or understand. thus, it is with other human beings.

with that bit of insight, i recognize that the need that i carry is likely not possible to be achieved in the land of the living. still, it would be nice to have that special person in my daily life for whom to know me as deeply as possible and likewise for me to know him are among our primary goals. it would be very nice.

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marin mazzie - back to before (ragtime) July 4, 1998

ii was reminded of this performance tonight and wanted to share it here as a tribute to a phenomenal talent who left us way too soon.