another evening conversation with sean, another shared thought that was more affecting upon reflection than in the initial telling. in this case it was a comment i was making about weddings, of all things. he has a trip to one coming up, and i was sharing that the great thing about getting older is that you don't have to deal with the expense of gifts and travel and any other things associated with being present for your friends when they say "i do." at my age, all of your friends are either married or have decided they don't plan on being so.
it's my next comment that has stayed with me. i shared that truth be told i didn't anticipate that i would be having a wedding of my own moving on through this next phase of life. in that statement, i wasn't referring to not having the ceremony someday but rather not entering into the kind of relationship that would prompt the need for a wedding. i had to quickly dispel the reaction that this was my being fatalistic about the idea of meeting someone special, it's more that i really don't think i'm marriage material. i think i would be happy if i could find a guy (or two) to date and enjoy his company. and when i look over my life i think i've actually deep down always been like that.
it is kind of funny that even as more and more lgbt people move toward the normative standards around relationship, i find myself not really interested in doing the same. mind you, i do support marriage equality very strongly and some years ago i was very much the kind of person for which a marital relationship was very much the goal. today my feeling is, well, not so much.
i desire companionship and love and intimacy in my life, and there are so many people who believe and espouse that the only path to those things is to be married. maybe they're right, but for me, i'm pretty determined to see if i can find a different route.
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