i woke up this morning not feeling very good about myself. this should not be a surprise. i went to bed feeling the same way. and now? no change really.
it feels as if i've pretty much lost all sense of who i am and what exactly my life is supposed to be about. i've been in a similar place before, and somehow that fact provides no consolation.
i look into my mind's eye to see that mental image of myself and there's nothing there. it's as if i am staring in what used to be my self-mirror and there is no reflection back at me. even physically i feel so insubstantial i would not be surprised that i would not cast a shadow on a brilliantly sunny day.
every day continues to feel harder to get through than the one preceding it. and the reason i am even occupying space on this earth has become an inscrutable mystery. how does one have a fulfilling life when you feel you have no discernible presence in reality?
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