so i had a chance to do a bit of catch up with my friend earlier this evening. in the midst of the chat, he shared that it is unlikely that we will get to meet up in a couple of weeks. my initial reaction was some disappointment even though i knew the chances were slim that it would come to pass.
as the evening has worn on, my mood has continued to decline. i'm surprised by this phenomenon to be honest given that i really did not expect that we would actually meet. All my previous invitations to similar meet ups have come to nothing. Our brief meet up at the beginning of this year was actually my friend asking to come visit and there's a part of me that believes what motivated him was that i was having such a difficult time over the holidays that he felt sorry for me. in any event, there has been a cloud of sadness hovering over me all night.
i think the more concerning matter is i'm feeling a bit lost with respect to the purpose of this particular friendship. i have no strong sense of what it's all supposed to be about. i feel as if i've done everything i know how to encourage and foster a close friendship and it hasn't made a bit of difference. i have no idea of how to move forward. i really don't know what to do anymore, and i don't really know what i'm doing it for.
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