a simple statement

i had a therapy appointment recently. we talked about broken relationships. the absence of my father, who i never got to know. the distance between my mother and me that really has always existed but has been heightened by her inability to accept that i'm gay. we talked about the unfulfilled dreams of relationships past and present - sean, michael, and so many others.

and at the end of all of that, towards the completion of our session, i made one simple statement.

i wish my life had been different.

i'm not sure i've ever said anything that felt so true. it was like i looked at the landscape of my entire life and turned back around to describe how what i saw made me feel.

this simple statement continues to reverberate in my heart. actually, i think it has been for quite some time. and the sad thing is i've lost hope that it will ever end at least not until i do.