irreconcilable

there are moments, particularly when i go through dark times, that i think i was not made for this world.

today, i was confronted with a situation at work the end result of which made me think that the world does not a just place. in this particular instance, an individual, who had committed some pretty unscrupulous acts, had gotten a promotion. at the same time, i know of many good people who have had their positions eliminated and are leaving the company. i am one of those people, and the news has pushed me off my axis of emotional well-being once again.

i thought about sharing how much the situation pains me deeply to a friend. i heard in my mind his likely response of, "well, that's just business," and it is that perspective that so many around me have that causes me to pause and question whether i really belong in this life.

so many seem so reconciled to "the way things are," and it leaves me wondering how, after half a decade, i can still be so hurt, so disappointed, so disturbed when events like the one at work today happen. it's as if, when i was formed in the womb, what ever part of my dna that's supposed to allow one's perspectives on life to adapt to accept "the way things are" either didn't fully form or just got left out all together.

i've always felt very odd and out of place in this life. i'm sure i've shared before in this blog that i sometimes (or is it often) question why was i even brought into existence, believing as i do that every life has a purpose. i keep wondering of what good am i if i get so deeply shaken and lost when encountering what i see as the darker realities of the world?

another bit of evidence i feel highlights why i don't think i was made for this world - i never get an answer to that question, and yet, i carry a belief that i should.