when you're visiting home for the holidays and that visit takes place, not where you grew up, but where your parent retired, you find yourself with a lot of time on your hands. and if you're someone like me, that time is often spent doing a lot of thinking and reflecting on life. during one such reflective moment, I was thinking about how in so many places i've lived, in so many situations, i have been the "other" in that environment. whether by virtue of race or religion or sexual orientation or family dynamics or mental health or point of view or value system, i've always been different from the majority of the individuals around me. and it got me wondering, "what are the cumulative effects of always being the 'different one' -- the one, as the old sesame street song goes, that 'is not like the others'?"
well, i think the short answer is, no matter where you are, you always feel like you never quite belong; or conversely, you find yourself constantly searching for a place that you do feel a sense of belonging. so many of the reflections in this blog find their root in expressing or exploring this feeling of alienation in the world. and i have to admit, after all of these years, that i am finding myself weary from the experience of otherness.
now mind you, seeking a place one belongs is entirely different from trying to fit in. i have long since ceased any attempts of doing that (to the degree that i ever really did), recognizing that when so many of your differences are rooted in certain immutable characteristics, the best path is to embrace who you are and hope to find others who will do the same. even so, while it may be the best path, in my experience, it has also tended to be a very lonely one -- a state of being that i'm now fearing that i have lost any hope will ever change.
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