i'm in the midst of a multi-week viewing marathon of one of my favorite tv series ever, sex and the city. it's funny how you watch something familiar and it speaks to you in a familiar yet whole new way.
i just finished watching the first episode of season 4. it's the one in which carrie turns 35, and her friends plan on taking her out to dinner for her birthday. unfortunately, through a series of bad coincidences, no one shows up but carrie. the girls eventually meet at a coffee shop, and carrie shares how alone she felt at that moment -- that it felt terrible not having someone special in her life, a soul mate, to be with her at that time. the girls eventually decide that they will be each other's soul mates and just have guys be there to have fun with. then big shows up on carrie's walk home with balloons for another nice moment.
when i first saw this scene, i had also recently turned 35 and was also alone. the emotion of the scene was palpable for me as i was deeply longing to meet that special person. now, eleven years later, the emotion of the scene is still palpable as i am deeply longing to meet that special person. the difference is that across that divide is the experience of finding someone that i thought was that special person and found out i was wrong. that discovery is what makes this latest viewing experience hit home all the more. at 35 my longing had an undercurrent of hope. now, while there may also be some hope that there actually still might be a chance for me in the love relationship department, there's a whole lot more pain and doubt that works against the hopefulness, leaving me confused and somewhat despondent.
i wonder how i will feel, lord willing, when i see this episode at 55?
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