letting go

i think i might have control issues. as the dates of the calendar seem to be flipping by with ever increasing speed, i sit here with no sense yet of where i will be living and when my belongings will be arriving to join me (wherever that may be). these are two issues that are in the hands of the relocation firm that i was just put in contact with last week. on friday i was assured that the corporate housing people would be in touch with me to let me know my options for temporary housing (all i will have to do upon making a selection is pick up the keys i was informed by my account manager) and get contacted by the movers to make arrangements for them to do an inventory of what i will be moving (then they will come pack everything up, load it, store it until i find a permanent place of residence, and then deliver it to that location).

it all sounds very easy and efficient, except for the fact that if i were doing this myself, all of those arrangements would likely have been made a couple of weeks ago. putting my life in the hands of others, particularly those with whom i'm not familiar, has always been difficult for me. now the irony of that fact is that usually when i have done so, particularly with professionals who do this type of thing for a living, i've been more than fine. it's only when i've put matters in the hands of those that i do know well and trust that disappointments inevitably seem to happen. still, i've managed to stir up a fair amount of anxiety in this particular situation.

now what also seems to happen in these kinds of situations is that i get to this place where i recognize that there's really not much i can do but let go and trust that all will be well. some of this comes from a spiritual/faith orientation to life. some of it comes from just a practicality orientation. i have things that i need to do that i have direct control over (preparing things for the movers, arranging the transfer of utilities, cleaning out my office at work, etc.). i can choose to put my full energies into those things and let the people who are responsible for the other stuff do their jobs, or i can divide my energies by worrying about matters out of my control, which will make it that much more difficult to accomplish the things that are my responsibility and leave me stressed and miserable as well.

this morning it feels like i've reached that place of letting go. my breathing seems to be more even, and i don't have that jittery feeling in the pit of my stomach. i do feel better and that i am going to be able to get everything done and all will fall nicely into place. it's a good feeling. still, i wouldn't mind if the corporate housing and movers got in touch with me today.