a restless mind

after being wide awake at 1:30 a.m. today and reviewing a calendar of appointments that were neither urgent or, to be frank, very engaging, i decided to take a "mental health" sick day today. it's the first one i've taken since i've been in my current job, yet i'm wondering if i've lost the ability to take full advantage of the concept.

the idea was to step out of the work setting for a bit and decompress. what with a week of travel to three different cities for a variety of activities which required quite a bit of intense concentration and active dialogue with many new people, it shouldn't be surprising that this introvert needs some down time. yet while my body certainly got some wear, it's my mind that could really use the rest. unfortunately, it doesn't want to cooperate.

my thoughts keep racing from one idea, concept, experience, thing to accomplish, thing to change, disappointment, hope, concern, fear, desire, etc. to another. my body may be fairly still, but my mind is anything but. this is not a new phenomenon. in fact, as i've gotten older it feels as if my ability to choose consciously to relax cognitively seems to have diminished.

i don't think that's good. what's worse is, right now, i really don't want to be thinking about that or a number of other things at all.