staggering along

this has not been a very good week. i'm more tired and disoriented than usual. my normal pattern of being basically coherent and focused during the day and then sad and listless at night has been disrupted in such a way that i found myself quite tired and disoriented when i woke up today, so much so that i seriously debated whether i should even come into work today.

i can only speculate that my sad state of affairs is tied to the fact that i am out of town on business. as a result, my nighttime emotional episodes are happening away from my normal routine and comfortable surroundings. it reminds me of the situation that exists with michael's mother who is suffering with the onset of dementia. what michael has learned from his mother's doctor is that individuals who suffer from dementia do better when they are in a place that is familar to them and their standard living pattern can be maintained. take them out of that and the dementia becomes much more acute.

i'm wondering if the same dyanmic applies to depression as well. i do know for sure that normally after day three of an out of town trip, i'm ready to go home. well, we're on day five and with the added challenge of arriving in a depressed emotional state, the need to get out of this place is exponentially more acute. and the toll it's taken on me is palpable.

i think it's going to be a short day here at work for me. a couple more meetings and then it's back to the hotel for some sleep. i'm hopeful that the upcoming three day weekend will help in reversing the effects of this trip. until then i'll just stagger along through the day, hopeful that i don't do any damage to myself or others.