stupor

so it's the second day of the work week and while i am physically present my mind seems to have wandered off somewhere without the rest of me. while my sleep wasn't the greatest, it certainly wasn't out of the ordinary. and yet i find myself sitting here losing track of thoughts and intentions ("what am i doing?" seems to be a common mental refrain this morning). i thought maybe writing something would help focus me, but each word, each keystroke seems to take quite a bit of effort. and between the sentences i catch myself in long pauses, staring at the screen -- my mind blank.

the good news is that i don't have a lot of meetings to do and no major deadlines to meet. the bad news is i still have work to do and staring out into space was not on the planned agenda nor will it be helpful to accomplishing what i need to do.

the emotional warfare of the past few days seems to taken even more out of me than i had realized. even the opportunity to connect last night and have some explanation of the other side of what i was experiencing has done little to wrest me free from the hold "the voices" have on me.

and what will it take to do so, i wonder. i'm not exactly sure but i know that i will know when i experience it. until that happens (should it occur) here's a song that i shared last night that certainly matches my mood and is an apt descriptor for the state i'm in.

not as we -- alanis morissette