depression take two?

i've truly been in a strange state of late. my days of being severely despondent seem to be behind me. for the most part i seem to be on a pretty even emotional keel. i do have some sad moments, but for the most part, i'm just moving through life with a fairly positive attitude.

the thing is, as i'm moving forward, i'm still finding it difficult to engage in the most basic activities. my home is still a disaster area from the move and i have done nothing to get it unpacked and organized. i haven't done laundry or gone grocery shopping in over two weeks. i come home and change out of my work clothes and just throw them in a pile. this weekend i even was struggling with whether i really needed to take clothes to the dry cleaners (i somehow managed to convince myself that i did and that it really wouldn't require much effort). and that's just on the personal side of life. even at work i'm just really doing what absolutely needs to be done when it absolutely has to be done.

it makes me wonder if somehow my depression has mutated in some fashion to a new way of expression. so instead of days filled with tears and struggles with the idea of how i could possibly continue with life, now i'm in a place of being ok with life but not necessarily motivated to truly live it. i mean, i feel like i'm giving the best couch potatoes a run for their money.

there are some glimmers of hope in all of this. i know eventually i will get in gear with the chores. at the very least, i have company coming over the course of the summer and i have enough of a concern for their comfort that i will not allow them to exist in the conditions i seem to be so willing to. and i'm always confident when it comes to doing things for the people i care about i will always rise to the occasion.

as for doing something for me, i have been considering engaging some of the popular dating apps and sites to start meeting guys. on that point, i had the self-reflection just this morning that i've really just got to try something. does this mean i'm confident or optimistic about the outcomes? well, no. does it mean that i'm not concerned about being deeply hurt by any relationships that might result? again, no. but i am recognizing that i can't think that meeting people is going to happen by me lying on my living room couch -- as comfortable and safe as that might feel.