i have to admit that this has been a pretty lazy weekend even for me. so much so that this is the first entry i've done all weekend. aside from a trip to get a haircut yesterday, i have spent almost the entire time laying on the couch, watching tv, reading graphic novels and magazines, and snacking on junk food. normally, it would be a great way to spend a weekend except i have a tremendous amount of work to do to get this house in order and times a wasting. i have the first of two visitors coming at the end of the month and the house is nowhere near ready to receive guests.
and on the emotional front i would say that though this has been a better weekend than most, i have had flashes of sadness. and today i'm not feeling the most enthusiastic about life. i'm here but beyond that i'm not particularly interested in doing anything more than what i've been doing all weekend long, i.e., virtually nothing.
so it's back to work tomorrow with all the myriad of activities and accountabilities associated with it, and while i do not dread the return, i'm not exactly excited about it either. it just seems like more of the monotonous same and i'm wondering if this feeling of monotony combined with apathy is in any way fatal, if not to the physical body than to the soul. and while my emotional pain may not be as acute or severe as it has been in the recent past, this current state of being certainly does feel as if it is slowly, almost inexorably draining the life out of me. i need a change and soon.
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