collapsing

it feels as if my heart is collapsing inward -- like my emotional self is just retreating ever increasingly within myself. and like the collapsing star that results in a black hole, my outlook is growing ever more cold and dark. i am close to giving up on the fact that i will ever be understood or welcome in this world. and that isolation will be my lot in life for however much longer that may be. this has really not been a good year.