this has been a pretty strange day. i've had moments where i've actually felt pretty good -- like almost normal. and then i've had moments where my heart feels like it's been ripped in two and all the life has poured out of me. i don't know if this means i'm getting better or if this is just a momentary respite before i tumble down into an even deeper emotional pit.
it does feel like i've reached another clearing in this figurative forest that has surrounded and confounded me at every turn. but while i can feel a bit of the sun and light above me, i look ahead and all around me and all i see is dark forest for miles. and i also know that this is not the kind of clearing that exists in perpetuity. either i will be pushed onward along whatever trail that leads me through the darkness again or the trees will slowly encroach on me and claim me again.
and yet again i find myself in a place where i wonder if i will ever know peace or joy or love again. and with that thought, i think i just felt the rustle of the trees and a shadow pass over my heart.
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