so i'm back out on the road again. it's the first of three trips in three weeks. the first two are for business and the last is personal time off to go to the annual collectors convention i've been attending over the last five years.
this first trip is a little different in that i'm actually presenting at a meeting about work that i'm leading at my company. it's certainly very flattering to have been asked to share about what we're doing and what we've learned along the way. hopefully, the meeting conveners and the attendees will feel my presentation is useful and is time well spent. while i would say that i'm looking forward to the discussion, i also have to say that emotionally i'm feeling kind of flat.
i would say that the recognition of my current emotional state happened yesterday. after a long day of travel and some confusion about my rental car (assistant booked at a company other than the one i normally use and have a membership with), i dragged into the hotel around 10 pm and just felt what i can only describe as not really present. i had been venting via text with my friend sean about my traveling travails and when that was done, i just kind of noticed that something didn't feel quite right. i was in this kind of not particularly enthused about being here but not feeling as if there's anywhere else i'd rather be instead.
last night i chalked the feeling up to be related to my normal not liking to be away from my own bed perspective that occurs whenever i travel (and the more i've traveled, the more pervasive that perspective has become). today though, i'm wondering if it's more related to some brief encounters and reflections i had yesterday.
when i got to the airport yesterday, while racing to get into the terminal and up to check-in, i passed a man and a woman in a deep embrace. when i got closer, i could tell that the man was hugging the woman intensely and they were both crying. being the kind of person that speculates, well, about everything, i immediately started playing different scenarios in my head. maybe they were lovers sad about having to be apart for an extended period. maybe they were siblings grateful for the opportunity to see one another and sad that it was over too soon. maybe they were friends and one had experienced a recent loss and had come to visit to begin to heal from the grief. in any event, i was moved by this display a deep and honest emotion borne in an obvious strong bond between the two.
interestingly enough, still on my way to check-in, i witnessed yet another encounter. this time it was what appeared to be a family happily greeting a traveler who had just arrived from places unknown to me. i have no idea if the person was family or friend, but any one within viewing or hearing distance could tell that they all were delighted to see one another.
after checking my bag and going breezily through security (hooray for tsa pre-check), i settled into a restaurant for a quick before flight lunch. sitting there waiting for my burger and fries, i decided to send sean a text to say hello and let him know that my travels had just begun. for some reason the thought came to me of why would i bother him with something so trivial. i think it's the answer that came back to me compounded with what i just witnessed that may have something to do with my current emotional state. the answer i gave myself was basically that he was one of only a small number of people in this whole wide world who i thought might care enough about me to want to know (and i mean less than a handful).
it was a melancholy moment but brief. almost like a pinprick to my heart. funny though how even the smallest of holes to the heart can grow into something more. i guess when there's so much hurt to work with it's only natural.
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