fragmenting

my self-esteem seems to be crumbling again. i feel less of who i used to be, an increasing sense of regret at who i, and a dread filled uncertainty of what i am to become. this feeling of being alone in a life where no one sees me or knows me or wants me continues to grow. it has not been a good year. i have oft repeated that phrase through this blog. this is one of those dark nights where i feel my sanity is fragmenting, breaking apart into pieces that cannot seem coalesce again into any sense of coherent thought or rational perspective. all is see is sadness, loss, despair, and isolation. it feels as if it's all i've ever seen and all i've ever known.