it's almost mid-day of the last week i likely will be spending in this office this calendar year. with the family memorial for my friend and work colleague scheduled for monday morning, i don't anticipate coming back into the office following that event. so save for some meetings this afternoon, i am at the end of my work experience for 2014.
so how do i feel at this time? before going into all of that, i feel i need to note, as should not be a surprise to anyone who has read more than this specific entry on this blog, it has been a very, very tough year. the pacing of my work and the sheer volume of it has increased tremendously. i'm still amazed with the variety of topics and issues i cover over the course of a work day. another dynamic that has emerged is the shifting tenor of the work environment from a more collegial, inclusive one to a more insular, directive one. we haven't made this change entirely and i'm not sure if we will. my hope is that not only does this trend stop but that it actually reverses. we shall see if my hope is fulfilled.
so what does all of this mean about how i'm feeling? well, i still enjoy my job and the body of work for which i am accountable. this being stated, i am becoming increasingly frustrated with the context in which i do this work. if things do not change (the aforementioned reversal of trend) then i'm not sure i will be able to remain here and continue to feel good about what i do and who i am. if i get to that point then it will be time to plan for my exit. a factor that also contributes to my evaluation is the fact that while i really like where i live, i am not happy here. with no relationships outside of the work setting, the sense of isolation has become both deep and pervasive as has my depression. i can't see staying here in a job i don't like anymore with my being so unhappy outside of work.
so how and when will i decide what i'm going to do? well, as a result of some leadership coaching work, i've scheduled one day each month in 2015 that i call my "taking stock" day. on these particular days, i will take an hour or so and just think through what is happening with respect to my work and the organization and make a determination of how i need to move forward. based on certain events that will be happening in the first quarter, i don't think it will take to many taking stock days before i know whether i will be looking to stay or to leave.
in the meantime, i'm just hopeful that some more positive signs and circumstances are headed my way soon in 2015. i'm not sure i will survive another year like this one.
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