feeling forgotten

i'm out of town about to start the final day of a three day meeting. it continues to be a strange time in my life. this sense of not having a discernible presence in the world lingers. as each day has passed, it has felt as if i have been forgotten by many i have known.

i've shared many times in this blog that i've  never felt entirely at home or welcomed in this world. now it is a feeling that i am so alien to everything, so isolated, so unknown that if the world were the human body i would expect antibodies to attack me as a result of not recognizing my place as a part of the natural ecosystem.

even worse than feeling forgotten about the world around me is that i am forgetting myself. i am losing the sense of what makes me, well me. what am i doing here? what difference am i supposed to be making in the world? what do i really have to contribute? why do or even would people care about who i am? why would anyone love me?

so many questions and the answers are not coming. they're just not.