i have found that when my heart is heavy and i'm hurting emotionally, i tend to walk slower, my voice gets softer, and i speak more deliberately. my breathing becomes more labored and my thoughts flow much more slowly.
i'm not sure why this phenomenon takes place. it just does and it is now. i am back to feeling as if no one hears or really cares about me. i am back to questioning what difference it makes to try to be a good and supportive friend. the effort is not recognized nor appreciated. it is certainly not returned in kind. instead i feel as if i'm a burden to be endured. i wonder where my life is going and why darkness continues to surround me.
a friend recently shared that i should hang in there, that we all have bad days. i shared that it's been two years and i'm still waiting for one good day.
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