heart and mind

i was reading through an email shortly after i woke up this morning that i have to admit set me back a bit. no need to go into detail about the contents, but suffice it to say that it painted a picture of me to which i didn't respond all that well. as i started to type an admittedly defensive reply, i kept getting increasingly more upset. that's when i stopped and thought, "hmm, maybe you have been approaching this entire scenario from too heavily an emotional standpoint. time to start using your mind, i.e., logic, rather than your heart."

so somewhere inside i flipped a switch and started to write the reply from an analytical standpoint. when i got done, i reread what i had written and heart came back into play. "you can't send this," i thought. my assessment was that while i may have presented a reasoned argument, it was also unnecessarily cold and unsparing of the feelings of the recipient. now this approach might have been fine or even welcomed by that individual, but i couldn't live with myself if i had sent such a note.

so then i stepped back and tried to bring both heart and mind to bear on the situation. it's from that vantage point that i realized that no matter how unfair i found the characterization to be, there was nothing to be gained from trying to challenge it. i just needed to accept that the descriptive is how i was perceived and i would have to live with it. so that's what i wrote.

sometimes you have to take what kernels of truth you can glean from situations like this and use those to help you be a better person. likely, i do need to rein in my emotions at times. equally as likely, i need to be more careful in discerning who has actual concern for how i'm feeling and who may be responding out of some sense of obligation that is motivated by other factors.

if it hasn't been apparent from previous writings, i don't take friendships lightly or casually. to me friendship is not an obligation. it is a gift. it is not a gift though that has to be given to or accepted by everyone. that's something else i need to recognize with both my heart and my mind.