the long haul

i'm beginning to realize that in pretty much every dimension of my life, the days ahead are going to be challenging and it's likely going to be quite awhile before i feel good about much of what's occurring around me and within me. strangely enough, that realization both saddens and calms me.

i would assume that the rationale for the sadness would be pretty self-evident. after all, who really enjoys life being difficult on every front? the calming part i can only explain with an analogy.

for many years of my adult life, i used to prefer to travel by car rather than use any other mode of transportation. in fact, the longer the distance i traveled the more i preferred to drive. while others shuddered at the thought, i would take to 12-14 hour drives without hesitation. i found the drives to be enjoyable and in some ways therapeutic as it gave me time to reflect and even work through many issues i was dealing with at the time. more often than not, the time would pass by quickly, and before i knew it, i would be arriving at my destination. the strange thing is that i noticed that i was far more impatient with shorter car drives of say two to three hours than i was with the much longer travel time.

what i came to realize is that with the longer trips, i knew that they would be long and so my mind settled into a state of acceptance of that fact. the prevailing thought was, "i'll get there when i get there, so i might as well take advantage of the time by enjoying music, appreciating the view and letting myself be open to whatever revelations may come along the way." with short trips, i guess i thought that it was supposed to be a short trip and i would constantly wonder why it was taking so long to get to my destination.

and so realizing that it's going to take a long while for me to get to my desired life state puts me in the same frame of mind as the long car ride. it has me feeling that i might as well sit back, enjoy whatever good things happen, and be open to whatever revelations may come my way.

the one concerning matter is this. with the car ride, i know where i am going and i believe that eventually i will arrive at that destination eventually. when it comes to the life journey, i'm zero for two when it comes to those same factors. did i mention the part about the sadness?