fracturing

last night i had a moment where it felt like all the pressures brought about by dealing with work situations and fending off feelings of doubt, insecurity, and hopelessness about the future were so intense that my soul felt like it was cracking under the strain. and with every additional thought the pressure got more intense and the breakage seemed to multiply. i got to a point where i was wondering how any human being could be expected to endure such an experience as i've been to varying degrees night after night after night after night after night with no seeming end in sight.

i think we've all heard the analogy of diamonds are created as a result of the application of seismic amounts of pressure in relationship to the stressful situations that we all experience. what we don't think of as often is that it's not pressure applied to any substance that produces diamonds. when applied to other than carbon, pressure can just as easily result in the destruction of that substance.

interestingly enough, human beings (as with all life on earth) are carbon-based. maybe god was trying to tell us something with that in relationship to life's pressures. the unfortunate thing is that unlike pure carbon or even our fellow carbon-based life forms, as humans we are cognitive beings with a central nervous system. therefore, when we experience pressure, we feel it physically and emotionally.

at this point, all i know is i have such a fragility of emotional construct right now, it feels like i'm made of something far less durable than carbon. and whatever that substance may be, i'm not sure how much longer it can withstand the strain. it's already started to fracture.