so today is my first therapy session in about three weeks, and i have to admit i'm a bit, well more that a bit, apprehensive about it. it will be the first time that i've unpacked what i've been thinking, feeling, experiencing over that time. while it's true that i've had at least a few times of reflection these past several days, there's something about speaking the experiences aloud that makes them so much more real and affecting. i liken it to pulling everything out of junk closet in which you've been tossing various items. it's only when you see the items on full display that you have a real sense of all that's accumulated and that recognition often yields some kind of emotional reaction (usually, in my case, something akin to "how in the world did i get all this crap?"). and so it is with the unpacking of emotional baggage.
i know i will be focusing on this current emotional neutral zone that i find myself in, and though part of me hopes that the discussion will yield at least some degree of perspective on the situation, i just don't know if i'm ready for the emotional fall-out that may result from any revelations that occur. i guess that though this "emotional way station" is not where i want to remain for too long, i don't want to replace it with going back to the place of the severe depression and emotional vulnerability that preceded it.
interestingly enough, this issue of opening up again for therapy is a microcosm of the larger challenge of my being willing to open myself up again to new relationships. each has the risk and potential of my being hurt anew. but, even so, each is necessary if i am going to move on to a better, happier place with the companionship and connection i desire.
so here we go. reflection on the aftermath in the days to come (or is that really a redundant statement?).
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