i'm not really sure why this current emotional state i'm in is bothering me so much. after all, in comparison to the significant pain i was experiencing on a daily basis in the not at all distant past, my present condition could be viewed as a great improvement. still, as i am certainly learning, the absence of sadness doesn't really equate to being happy. and happy is the place i would definitely someday like to be.
i guess the fact that i've somehow gotten to the place that i have without a clear understanding of the how it happened coupled with the fact that i have no clue of when, how, or if i will get to the place i desire to be is what makes all of this so perplexing and disconcerting. and it feels like there is so much i have to accomplish and having to face it all alone is just not what i hoped for at this stage of my life.
i really need to find something else to write about. wouldn't it be great if life provided that something else (in a positive way) to do so?
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