it's monday. i'm back in my office after a week at one of our regional offices and two weeks of vacation. i have a day full of back-to-back meetings (starting in about 15 minutes) and i don't really care much about a single one of them. the apathy that i feel around me is so thick i could drown in it and in doing so wouldn't really care much that it's happening.
not sure what's going on but i suspect it has to do with the continued underlying feeling that life is not as i would like it to be. maybe, it's resulting from the fact that i've finally been able to let go of the expectations of what i would like to be in a certain relationship and while i believe that has been good for that one relationship, the loss and resulting absence of that hope probably has not been very good for my overall outlook on life.
it's like the letting go of the one thing but having nothing to take its place leaves my life just feeling a bit more empty and incomplete. maybe suspecting this would happen is the reason why it took me so long to let go in the first place.
but let go i have. and here i sit. feeling a little lost. wanting and waiting to be found. wondering how a life that feels so empty can ever be full again.
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