after the breakthrough

those who have been in therapy (and likely many who have not) will be quite familiar with the term "breakthrough." in the psychiatric counseling setting, it refers to the moment when the person undergoing therapy gets to a point of clarity about the cause of his/her psychiatric distress and at least some answers as to how to alleviate that distress. visually represented it is literally akin to the moment that after days and days of being under the oppressive weight of dark cloudy skies, the clouds part and you can see the sun and blue skies again. it is a wonderful moment that deserves to be celebrated.

my entry yesterday was my breakthrough moment. and while i plead guilty to at times being over dramatic, i have to share that the moment was truly glorious. returning to my analogy, the clouds of depression dispersed and a lightness returned to my heart. interestingly enough, as this breakthrough happened with my personal life, a hint of a similar occurrence to the circumstances that have been weighing down my professional life was brought to my attention later in the day. indeed such moments deserve to be celebrated. and then there's the after.

coming upon solutions to complex life issues is a wonderful experience, yet there also comes the moment when you realize that you now have to live out that solution. this is a realization made all the more daunting by the fact that while you believe the solution will work for you, you recognize it may not be what everyone else is expecting or wanting from you. living your truth can be challenging when it may cause others to not think as highly of you, may bring emotional pain to someone else, may result in people thinking you've lost your way on the straight and narrow or all of the above. yet such decisions have to be made. such truths have to be lived out. coming out as gay was a similar moment for me that indeed did yield all of the results that i've just listed. it is still having residual results in my relationships with my mother and some friends. it is however, a truth that i live out without reservation.

not too long ago, i was parked in the garage here at work listening to amy grant's cover of "it's too late" (i posted this song a couple of nights ago on my blog should you want to listen to it -- my apologies to my friend rjg who is probably horrified that i did not use the definitive, original carole king version. still, her knowing how much i love amy will hopefully ease the blow of such a sacrilegious act). listening to that song reminded me of the fact that i am in the "after the breakthrough" moment as i realized there are some difficult conversations ahead, likely beginning tonight. no one looks forward to having these conversations. living through the after effects even less so. but i know have and live i must. it's the only way i'll continue to see the sun.