maybe i am crazy

this entry was originally going to be entitled "three strikes" but then i read an email from michael and thought the current title was more appropriate. in said email, the former spousal unit expressed what i choose to believe was genuine concern for me. as part of that concern, he recommended that i seek therapy.

and maybe he's right. maybe i do need to be under psychiatric care. if anything it would be helpful to my better understanding why after two other attempts to live in a dysfunctional relationship, i returned for a third tour of duty only to end up, unsurprisingly, back at the same dead end. the interesting thing is that while michael views the breakup as a sign of my instability, i view it as the first productive thing i've done since my downward spiral into depression. to me it's a sign, however incipient, that the healing process has begun. but even in healing there is pain and today my heart has been heavy and my eyes a bit misty -- both for what has been let go of and trepidation about what is to come.

here's one more song about the end of relationship. it is in essence the parting message i left with michael and the hope that two goodbyes can lead to (better) new lives.

let me go - avril lavigne (featuring chad kroeger)