i'm sure that there are as many varied ways of coping with depression as there are people on the planet. as for me, it seems a tried and true approach is to start cleaning and organizing. i've been doing that since i was a kid really. and generally such an exercise provides a bit of a lift to my mood.
now i'm sure part of it has to do with the fact that, as a result of my depressed state, my environs get a bit messy and disorderly (well, maybe more than a bit). it's pretty much an external manifestation of an internal reality. the disarray in my external environment is a fitting living metaphor for the messiness that my heart is experiencing. at least until a certain point when i can stand the chaos no longer and have to do something about it.
i've always suspected (and i'm assure the astute readers of this blog are already ahead of me on this) that motivation stems from my subconscious mind prodding me along to bring order to my life in some way. if i can't bring resolution to the state of affairs that have brought on the depression (which are usually too complex to be immediately fixed by the use of a dust rag, vacuum cleaner, and some closet organizers), i can at least address the piles of clothes, dirty dishes in the sink, stacks of books/magazines/doll boxes/etc., and inch thick coating of dust that have accumulated throughout my humble abode.
so if you will excuse me, i have some more external manifestation addressing to do. hopefully, it will bring about that boost to my spirits that i desperately need. it would be nicer still if there were a way to get a heartbreak repairer or love life restorer at organized living and i could get a service to do the cleaning.
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marin mazzie - back to before (ragtime) July 4, 1998
ii was reminded of this performance tonight and wanted to share it here as a tribute to a phenomenal talent who left us way too soon.
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come down from the tree - audra mcdonald
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