a case of the weepies

you never know when they're going to strike. for me it was standing in line at qdoba. filled with families, friends, and couples likely taking a quick food break from their holiday shopping, seeing as this particular franchise location is right across from one of our area's most popular malls. people excitedly chatting, laughing, smiling all while enjoying some fast food tex mex. it was a nice scene.

and then all of sudden, i was overcome with a case of the weepies. it started with a full wave of sadness, followed by a deep feeling of acute aloneness, and culminated with that familiar feeling of slight water pressure in my eyes, threatening to overflow but contained by a combination of self-will and a weariness of such depth that even crying seems to be too much effort.

it's scary when you're in that place emotionally that you have no idea how, when or where the weepies might come about. it makes it difficult to avoid them and can be the cause for some disconcerting interactions. i got them in the cab once, and i keep imagining that the cab driver was wondering why a simple declaration that i was going to the airport would elicit such an emotional reaction (then again it was a cabbie, so i imagine he's pretty much seen it all).

yesterday was a particularly strange case. i had finished yesterday's blog entry (which i thought was one of my better recent ones) and had just begun christmas decorating when i realized that i needed batteries for the pre-lit greenery that i place on the outside of the house. i stopped into the qdoba on my way back from stocking up on said batteries at the nearby home depot to grab some quick take out. prior to the stop i was feeling pretty ok. following, not so much.

when i got home i did manage to finish decorating the outside of the house (fortunately, i've gone pretty simple these days -- a wreath on the door, some swags on the outside lanterns and a garland draped on the outside railing and i'm done), but that effort took all the spare reserves of energy and enthusiasm that i had. i heated up my take out naked burrito, finished it, took a shower and climbed into bed all by the late night hour of 6 p.m. -- all the while the weepies lingered and shadowed my every action.

and today? pretty much more of the same. still a little tired, subdued, and definitely, most assuredly, weepy.