teetering

it's been a rough morning thus far. i woke up kind of groggy and feeling a bit wobbly -- not in terms of physical bearing but rather as if my emotions were teetering between falling on the side of a "good" day or a "bad" day (i put those words in quotes because the reader should be aware they have specific meaning as related to my emotional state rather than what would be the more common connotation that would typically come to mind. "good" days mean that i can get through without any significant feelings of despair or hopelessness -- what i continue to call my "maintaining a level of strain" days. from that description you should be able to tell what a "bad" day is).

and that moving back on this razor thin emotional edge has continued for much of the morning as i've attempted to complete my holiday decorating and get the house in order for the upcoming twelve days of christmas (since becoming catholic -- one thing i have embraced is this concept of christmas lasting for twelve days -- from christmas day to the feast of the epiphany). one minute i'm doing fine setting up a piece of greenery or putting one of my santas (yes, i have a collection. though much reduced since most of it is in the basement in the st. louis house) into place. the next i have this sick feeling in my stomach, am on the verge of tears and all i can think about is retreating (yet again) to my bed.

i'm doing my best to plow through because i would like to have the house ready for the remainder of the season ahead by the end of the weekend. if you have a good thought to spare, please send it my way. i most definitely could use the positive energy.